I got the interview with Mr. Hiroshi Moriya , the manager of Hiro-Tec! It will be on July 18th 9am at the San Francisco Hilton Hotel and he suggested to have breakfast with him! のどから出るほとわくわくしてるよっー！大ショック！この日はオレのずっと目指した夢の第一歩だぜ！絶対頑張りまーす！
Honesty and Blossoming Relationships Saturday, Jun 23 2007
Discoveries in Life 8:05 pm
I’ve always thought that as long as I keep a positive vibe with people, meaning not getting into arguments, not causing commotion, and trying to get along with everyone that I would increase the chances of keeping long-lasting friendships with people. However, over the past few days, I discover that that is not the best method to go about doing so. It’s great that I make no enemies but for those who are observing me, they might think that I’m just trying too hard to play up to the crowd. My personality may appear too phony and unoriginal.
If you tell a decent singer that she’s good at singing when she’s been told ALL her life the same thing, she wouldn’t have much of a connection with you. But if you tell her that she sucks and backs it up with a good reason, then you’re beginning to foster a longer relationship with that person. People like to argue (as long as it’s not serious marital problems) and people generally like differences.
I have to be natural and honest but yet, keep up a longing companionship image of myself onto others. There are times when I say things to toot their horn or hop on their bandwagon as opposed to being with my more intimate friends, I might say something that’s somewhat offensive but offer a deeper perspective. The trick is if you can be honest to someone, even if it means being offensive at times, then that someone can be honest with you (unless he or she has security issues). Friendships are based on trust. Same goes for relationships but on a higher level. No one will trust you if you don’t trust them and you show trust by being honest.
When the person takes your comments too personally, then they’re probably not worth your attention.
When I am at my most natural self, even though it is the same personality and same attitude, I get different chemistry with the people I meet. There are people who I feel like they’re my childhood friends when I only met them in college. There are people who I feel like they are my most hated rivals but later joined forces and became better allies. There are people who I feel like they are my sister if I had one to begin with. There are people who I feel like I would have dated if they met me first before their current boyfriends. It’s a big world out there but because of the people I’m meeting and the relationships I’m building with them, it’s becoming a smaller world.
A Prayer to God Saturday, Jun 16 2007
Uncategorized 6:18 am
Dear God (if you are out there),
I’ve never asked you for much but if you’re on the internet, please listen to me. Please protect my good friend, Gary Vasquez, who is fighting the war in Iraq from physical harm and psychological battles. Even to this day, I cannot believe the miracle that he was spared as the sole survivor in his platoon out of 119 men. If luck is to be on his side throughout the remainder of his seven months there, then let him be safe and return home in one piece. Let him fight his demons. Let him get pass Ramada Day. Please, just let him survive until the very end.
Growing Up Saturday, Jun 9 2007
Future Plans 2:05 am
Since graduation, I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do. What I want to become. A professional hip-hop dancer. A mechanical engineer by day and a choreographer by night. An engineer in Japan. A teacher in Japan. As these thoughts race across my mind, I’ve been asking myself why have I not done enough to achieve one of these things at this moment? Then it dawned on me that I’m scared. Very scared, in fact, of growing up.
I’m afraid of being compared with others in the same area with my credentials. I’m scared of convincing people that I’m right for the job. I’m scared of being burdened with work that a company would depend on. I’m scared of handling all the responsibilities of a truly independent person.
There’s no use to be scared. Being scared is a good thing as long as it forces you to go somewhere but if you sit on your ass and not make a difference, then you’re not really living; you’re just taking up space. From now on, I will face my fears and really start to apply jobs with the intention of getting interviews and landing on one. I will try to develop better social skills at work. I will stop shopping so much…in fact, I’m going to return some of my new clothes.
There. I said it. Now I gotta act it out and “grow up.”
What our Dance means to my Dancers Sunday, Apr 29 2007
Life as a Choreographer 8:05 am
A lot has happened today that if I don’t record it as soon as I can in the most clear detail, I’m afraid I might lost its significance over time.
The entry is dedicated to my dancers, none of which knows the existence of my blog…haha. But I would like to share it to my loyal readers (you know who you are).
To start off, we had two bonus performances today and unfortunately, both had very little turnout (we had only 6 dancers in the first one and 7 dancers in the second which we didn’t even get to perform). All the other performances prior to today surpassed the minimum I set (12 dancers). The first one is an event called Expozure, which is hosted by a sorority. I knew that right from the start the turnout will be the worst to date so despite losing some motivation in carrying it on, I managed to keep my promise to my most loyal dancers.
While the performance was a lot of fun, it was VERY messy and disorganized. Usually I would hold practice at least an hour prior to the performance so I can reset formations to fill in the voids but this time, I felt that there was no need to do it considering the size of the group. So I thought, well, this time we’ll wing it and do it for fun. I am only talking about this to set up for what will be happening for the next 7-8 hours.
I told my dancers that I wouldn’t be able to make it to this other performance sponsored by SASC but yet, Sarah (my most beloved loyal dancer) wants to organize it so that it could still happen with any available dancers. She asked me to tweak the mix so that all the songs in it actually features the dancers who can perform it. She wanted me to send it in to Sammy, who is like my 2nd most loyal dancer. She felt that our Expozure performance was too underprepared so she decided to organize the whole thing from setting new formations to providing the music. Initially there were 5 dancers who could do it but later, two more dancers showed up (Mae and Matt).
I don’t know the exact details shortly after they showed up but both Mae and Matt ended up NOT WANTING to do it and that pretty much lit the fire in the keg. What I think happened was that Sammy already spent the time to set the formations until Mae and Matt disrupted the progress by wanting to join in. I can understand that this might have led to some serious degree of frustration on Sammy’s part, which led Mae and Matt to be negative about the situation.
Now, Matt and Mae are probably the best dancers that we have on the team and the irony is that the best dancers seem to be not as dedicated as the dancers who are comparatively worse. I’m not criticizing the five dancers who stayed to make this work but that’s just how it is.
This eventually led the next best dancer within the five to break off and say “fuck it, I don’t want to do it.” Because of that, Sarah tries to stay positive within the group by casting off the “negative energies” of the group so that THIS PERFORMANCE WILL STILL HAPPEN. These four dancers, ladies and gentlemen, are truly the most dedicated and committed individuals I’ve ever met. They CARE about putting on the best show they could ever give. They CARE about people who are dedicated. They CARE about living up to something. And that something is DANCING. I never knew that I had this incredible cast of dancers, even though there’s only really 4 (out of 27).
As soon as things begin to fall apart, Sammy broke down and started crying. During this whole scene, I regret for not being there for the team even though I had this mandatory meeting for my group project. If only I was there, things might have worked out better and people might not be so stressed out that they cry.
Sarah told me all about this on the phone and said that “we thought we were closer [as a group]” since we performed so many times together and we had socials and extra gatherings. All that was happy sappy stuff. There were barely any problems. I guess when it comes to times of despair, frustration, and confusion, those who find ways to resolve it and get through it together are the ones who are truly closed to each other.
By the time she called me, they still didn’t get to perform and it seemed like the performance was called off. With flaky negative dancers, and now a crying dancer, it certainly isn’t the best recipe to hype up a performance.
She then called me a second time saying that the performance is still ON! With the addition of one more dancer, and me since the meeting is over, we were all hyped up and ready to go. As soon as I saw Sammy, I gave her a hug and said, “I love you, Sammy.” Nothing means more to me when people care the same thing I care about. To see dancers as passionate and dedicated as I am, I am truly blessed.
We were originally slotted to perform as the first program but with all these delays and shit happening, they put us last on the show. Even then, they ran out of time so they completely took us off the show without even saying so. You can just feel the atmosphere when the closing piece is on. To have Sammy put so much work into organizing it and not have a huge payoff, we can’t just not do anything. So we all went on Lower Sproul and perform ONE LAST TIME to our hearts’ content. It was a totally different experience as it felt more like we’re performing for ourselves and it really was! Even though we tried to get random bus drivers and strangers to watch us dance, I really felt like we owe it up to ourselves to tell the world that dancing means THIS much to us.
A Little Road Rage Doesn’t Hurt Wednesday, Apr 25 2007
Pleasant Surprises 7:27 pm
My roommate and I were out on delivery like our usual Monday mornings. He was driving on Shattuck behind a bicycler and as a common sign of courtesy, you would expect the biker to pull to the side a little so cars can pass, right? NO…not this fucker…he was weaving in and out of our lane. That got me so pissed off that I rolled down the window and unleashed the world’s most obscene profanity on him.
He finally pulled to the side, slow down a bit, and as we passed him, I cuz him out some more. Daym…he looked scared shitless. This is not usually how I do things but shit…that felt as good as the next cigarette.
The Fruits of Engineering Labor is not Worth it…. Sunday, Apr 1 2007
Fuck Engineering 9:07 am
I was sitting uncomfortably on my chair trying to produce a 3D model on VIZ (a common Engineering 3D modeling program) for 4 hours just to do ONE part of our Tickle-Me Elmo project.) Even then, I’m still not done because running into errors, fixing them, and the possibility of redoing a certain part all over again take the most time. Now I’m at the point where I have no fucking clue how to overcome that fucking error. I just reminded myself why I stopped doing my best anymore since high school when getting A’s was everything because I could do it and because the reward is well worth the pain to get there: a college education.
Now that I have the education literally at the tip of my fingers, I’m complaining how they don’t teach you anything. That everything I learn comes at the expense of skipping meals, depriving oneself of sleep, and fighting hard to keep my shit together against a subject I detest.
Anyway, back to the drawing board…even if I complete all the assembly and modeling, who’s going to step in and give me a job and commend me for my hard work? No one. I have to do everything. Taking in one pain after another. Finish assignments. Pass my classes. Get my undeserving diploma because I have half-assed my way through most of my college years. Obtain a job if I’m lucky. Be near more boring pricks. Work for a boss who may have all the knowledge there is to engineering but has no sense of humor. All I end up with is an unsatisfying job that pays well. I would rather have a VERY satisfying job that doesn’t pay well.
The fruits of Engineering labor…pshh…nobody will recognize your merits because there’s always someone with a bigger medal and even if you overcome one obstacle after another…there will always be an even bigger obstacle waiting to fuck you over. Just like right now with the error fucking with my beautiful, youthful life.
Job or Vacation First? Tuesday, Mar 27 2007
Future Plans 2:29 am
This is one of the many questions I’ve been debating in my head: Job or Vacation first after I graduate?
To be safe, I think I should run on the momentum just coming off fresh from graduation and land right on an engineering job while the skills (if I have any…no really, I’m not kidding) are still intact. But on the other hand, some people have been telling me that I won’t get another opportunity to go on a vacation until Christmas. That’ll be 6-7 months away and that’s a LONG wait. I haven’t been out of the country since I came here and I always feel like I’m missing out on a lot of international knowledge. If I were to travel, I would go to Japan, a dream that I want to fulfill that has been brewing for last 4 years. Even my parents want me to travel, just so I can expand my “horizons” and really know what’s out there. I certainly don’t want to limit engineering and dancing for the rest of my life. Jobs will still be there. So why the heck not?
Upcoming Dance/Performance Schedule Saturday, Mar 24 2007
Life as a Choreographer 8:53 am
April is going to be a crazy month of dancing, practicing, learning, cleaning, socializing, and performing.
April 2: 7-10pm last clean up practice
April 4: 7pm-8:15pm dress rehearsal
April 6: 12pm-2pm Haas of Business Performance @ Upper Sproul
April 7: 12:30pm Mini-piece tryouts
April 7 or 8: Karaoke Social!
April 9: 12pm-1pm First DwX performance @ Lower Sproul
April 10: 5pm-10pm Tech Rehearsal at Theatre
April 11: 5pm-7pm DysFUNKtion Hip Hop Competition Try out @ Lower Sproul
April 13: 12-1pm Second DwX performance @ Upper Sproul
April 14: 12-1pm UNICEF performance @ Lower Sproul (haha…we’re going up and down)
April 15: 6:30pm-8:30pm Last DwX performance Julia Morgan Theatre Performance (must sell 6 tickets at $7 a piece)
DwX After-Party?
DwX Banquet?
April 28: 6:00pm-7pm SASC benefit concert
O lord, O LORRRD….This is unheard of even when I was in 4 dances..
Back at Home Saturday, Mar 24 2007
Miscellaneous 8:32 am
It’s nice to be back home once in a while. For the days when I had to commute everyday to school, I rarely appreciate the things I ONLY have at home. It seems that the less I go back, the more I look forward to returning. For as long as I’m living independently, I like to keep it that way. But after going through and putting up with so much shit going in school, it’s assuring to have an outlet in the world where you know you can finally relax and look around to smell the roses. Ah…..
